If you ask a child under the age of four who is their role model, the most frequent response is that of their parents or grandparents. Later, athletes, film stars, artists , singers and politicians come into play, but the cherished memory every grandpa and grandma shares is that of their grandchild pointing them when this question is raised. But years go by and people tend to forget. The child you once were has come to be that peculiar looking person you watch at the nearby window and when the same question pops into your mind or is raised by a friend, you probably pause before attempting to answer something sophisticated or at least logical to the listener. Well, when challenged to face such an awkward moment, my response stands alone and everyone seems astonished that I consider my role model to be someone I have never met while growing up. The image of my father’s father, who has died while my father was still a young adult, has been haunting me for years and I consider this amazing individual to be my role model up until this day.

Perhaps this is due to the fact that I adore listening to old stories and my father is a master of story-telling. When one considers that he also adored his father and considers him to be the best friend he ever had, my excitement to hear stories from the crypt of my dad’s mind has always resulting in staying up late to hear every aspect of this person’s life. Growing up in a rural area of an island, the last among seven siblings, my grandfather was the only one that decided to move from the house perimeter to the unknown land of another country and follow his dream. After studying economics he successfully completed his law degree and stayed in the United States for more than fourteen years before going back home to elope with his beloved female companion, my grandmother, whose family opposed her decision to marry someone that was not of a great social status as she was.

They both moved to the capital city of my country where they stayed for the rest of their lives, and although my grandfather had managed to bring home a small fortune, it quickly disappeared as relatives and friends asked for his help and World War II took away whatever he once accomplished to gain. But, no life’s misfortune resulted in him loosing the only thing he carried with until his life’s end; his extraordinary confidence that life is beautiful and one should do anything in his or her power to enjoy every single moment of being able to breath.I strongly believe that my grandfather’s adventures and his unique life story have shaped me to be the person I am today. Challenged by his fearless nature and his willingness to help others I have been catching myself wondering how he would react if he encountered the same dilemmas I am confronted on a daily basis. My conclusion remains unaltered, even though more than twenty-five years have passed since the first time I heard my father speaking about my grandfather’s life choices. Although we are totally different individuals, living in totally different times, I am confident that we share one common thing; that of being true to ourselves.

My sincere hope is for me to continue focusing on what really matters for me in life and helping others attain their goals when I am given a chance. Regardless if your role model is still a member of your family or the famous astronaut Neil Armstrong, my advice to all is to remain true to yourself as years go by and to try to infuse the principles, your role model has given you while growing up, to your children and grandchildren. Their future journey in life depicts from their ability to become aware of who they really are and what they want to succeed before realizing that age has caught up with their dreams.

Share This

Couples therapy is a way to address problems between a couple that are significant enough to cause problems in a relationship. Problems can be internal and external resulting in emotional and physical illnesses. Experiences in life like marriage, childbirth, job changes, relocating, etc can put a strain on a couples’ relationship. When there is pressure and strain, it may be hard for a couple to communicate and try to solve the problems at hand. This is when couples therapy comes in handy. It can be the means to make sense out of a serious situation before it has damaging effects.

Some couples seek counseling before they make a commitment to marry. It helps them address problems that could prove fatal if left unattended. It allows a couple to learn how to communicate and solidify a relationship. Counseling also helps couples cope with unexpected life experiences down the road. More often than not, one partner is more interested in therapy than the other. If the interested partner can convince the other that therapy is necessary, this is the first step to making a commitment to the process of caring and sharing about one another. Depending on the therapist, and the amount of work a couple may need to tend to, therapy can last a few weeks to many years of dealing with issues as they develop. Make sure that the therapist you choose is someone you and your partner feels comfortable with. He or see should be licensed and have advanced training in couple’s therapy. There are also prevention programs that couples can participate in including two-week or one-day educational and skill-building workshops and workshops that help couples improve their sex lives.

Share This

When you get that first inkling that something may be wrong with your marriage do you know the signs that you may have a cheating wife? If the signs are there it might be time to circle the wagons and make a decision as to how to handle the situation. Unfortunately handling a wife’s infidelity is a emotional issue and for many men is something they don’t even want to think about, let alone deal with. What you decide to do is entirely personal, no matter the advice one may get from family, friends and co-workers. Knowing the signs of a cheating wife at the very least gives you a head start on where your marriage may be going and how to best protect yourself emotionally and financially.

1. Changes in appearance - This one can go both ways. While it just may be nothing more than a change in her attitude about herself and how she wants to look it can also be a warning sign that she wants to look good for someone else. If she suddenly changes her hairstyle, has her nails done and dresses more provocatively you need to be worried why, particularly if you notice new lingerie in the laundry that she hasn’t ever worn for you.

2. Diminished intimacy - Not only in the bedroom but in daily life as well. If you used to have the kind of relationship where you and your wife shared and talked about everything and she begins to distance herself from you there may be a problem that you need to investigate. In the bedroom she may no longer show any interest in being intimate with you or if she does she displays a whole new sexual repertoire and interest in new things. This can be good if it’s something you’ve talked about, but if it just starts to happen for no apparent reason it can be a sign that she is learning new things somewhere else.

3. Less arguing and fighting - If your wife is not only distancing herself from you on an intimate level but also you notice you are not arguing with her as much as you used to it can be a sign she isn’t interested in what you are doing whether it’s good or bad in her mind.

4. Disinterest in family - Loss of interest in family functions and spending less time with not only you and the kids but with her extended family as well. This can be a sign of trying to hide whatever she’s doing on the sly.

5. More phone and internet - If she’s spending more time on the phone but out of earshot or late nights on the internet when you are asleep or doesn’t want you around while she’s doing whatever it is she’s doing online can be a sign of a cheating wife.

6. Changes in children’s behavior - If you have kids strange changes in their behavior can be a signal. It’s not that they know the truth of what’s going on but they are very perceptive to changes in their parent’s behavior and will react to these changes in emotional and physical ways.

These are six good signs that your wife may be cheating. Each one taken alone may not mean much but if you notice 2 or more of these signs it is time to start thinking about taking some sort of action to find out the truth. Nobody wants to find out their wife is cheating on them but sometimes the best defense is a good offense.

Share This

It starts young, as babies. We learn communication from our parents starting with single words–mama, dada, we add adjectives, big boy, nice kitty. And even though we learn, and speak, the same language–English, French, German–we also learn sub-languages, languages that may differ so greatly we clog communication as if speaking to a foreigner, or worse. With a foreigner we expect to not understand. We assume we understand with someone speaking our own language.

It starts like this: Two households on the same street. Billy in the first house, Susie in the second house, both are a year old. And both have a pet.

In the first house, behind four walls and a closed door, Billy sits on the rug with his little furry Buddy as his dad exclaims daily, “damn dog, damn dog, damn dog.”

In the second house, behind four walls and a closed door, every time young Susie looks at her Belle, mama says, “cute puppy, cute puppy, cute puppy.”

Now, twenty years later Billy and Susie get married. They get their first dog and have a very different vocabulary to describe the very same dog. Hopefully Susie can stand to hear Billy call her little Ralphy, “damn dog,” and Billy can stand Susie addressing his rough, tough, best friend, “cute puppy.”

Amongst relationships, we seem to always run into, “you said this,” ” but, I meant that.” “No, you said this, and it means such and such.” “That doesn’t mean such and such, I just meant such.” “Impossible!” Communication meltdown due to different sub-languages.

Some words hold more or less impact than others. We may be desensitized to certain words and we may hold deep meaning in others. Here’s another example of a communication breakdown by a couple named Said and Heard.

He wrote the hefty check and said, “dang house payment.” She stood in her gourmet kitchen and heard, “dang house payment.” Now if these two take for granted they understand each other, Said will go on with life as normal, only a bit irritated as he’d like to take a vacation instead of spending the necessary money on a mortgage payment. And Heard, not knowing this was about a vacation, assumes it’s about the fact she chose such a large house. Heard will walk around with bitterness, worry, and other such emotions which will effect her state of being. Said will wonder what her problem is and if days have passed Said won’t understand what Heard is mad about.

They will then fight about minor things that have transpired over these few days, how he wiped his brow and sighed after cutting the large lawn, and she shakes her head and says, “you really hate it here don’t you?”

Said asks, “What are you talking about? I don’t hate it here.” Heard won’t believe it, they will fight, and have a hard time tracing it back to the original comment. Or if they do, Said will say, “that was so last week,” when yes, it was last week, but now the single comment of “dang house payment” has magnetically caught little shavings of lead–the wipe of a brow, the sigh–all week, and this one comment grows heavier and heavier until “dang house payment” is just too heavy for Heard to bear. This could easily be solved by communicating the emotion a word or phrase causes the moment it is heard or said. Heard should have looked up in her gourmet kitchen, and said, “What does dang house payment mean? What are you saying?” Said would reply, “I can use a vacation, but we need somewhere to live, don’t we?” Heard nods with a smile.

The word “pathetic” doesn’t carry much weight for me, it is a nice word I would maybe use to describe myself if I were to lay around on the couch all day and do nothing, yet if I were to use this very same word to describe myself when speaking to a certain friend of mine she would assume I was suicidal and consider calling the police to rescue me. This word carries much more meaning with her.

If my boyfriend were to tell me I’m mentally unstable without telling me he’s just referring to my PMS state at the moment, I may assume he thinks I belong in an insanity ward somewhere, locked up forever. And we will fight. The words “mentally unstable” carry a heavier meaning for me.

How important it is to communicate as well as analyze our sub communication. Tell each other, because you said this, I feel that. Ask each other, was what you said intended to make me feel this? Could I take your such and such to mean such? And if the answer is no, believe it, understand, and explain it, so the next time won’t be so bad. You’ll grow to understand each other along with each others speaking styles and a sweet little communicating river will flow.

Tiffany Twist is the author of two books, TIFFANY TWISTED: exposed, unraveled, rewritten (June 2004 by et al Publishing) and SOME DANCE: Hey bartender, I’ll take a decade of marriage on the rocks, a therapist straight up, and a fantasy guy with a twist (April 2005 by et al Publishing) and can be contacted through her web site, http://www.tiffanytwist.com.

Share This

I’m not going to waste any time here.

So here it goes.

One word.

MANIPULATION.

One of the biggest mistakes people make when they think they’re being cheated on is allowing themselves to be manipulated.

This is where you start to think that you’re being cheated on, but your better half convinces you that you’re not.

What you need to know is that men and women manipulate differently.

Women manipulate men physically.

They do this by using their bodies (think SEX here).

A woman can pretty much get a man to think or do whatever they want by offering sex, or at least physical contact.

For example, if you’re a man and your woman starts to think that you’re “catching on” to what she’s doing behind your back, she’ll offer herself physically as a method of changing your mind.

Maybe she’ll have sex with you. Maybe she will just let you put your arm around her. Maybe she’ll just let you touch her while she’s sitting next to you on the couch watching TV.

In any event, she’ll offer you some sort of physical interaction that will make you think “gee, maybe she isn’t cheating on me”.

If you’re a man, remember this….women control almost all physical encounters.

After all, if a woman says “NO”, it’s rape.

The same rules don’t apply to men.

Now on the other side of the coin, men will manipulate by EMOTION.

A man can get a woman to think or do whatever he wants by pretty much just saying what she wants to hear (or doing some little romantic trick like sending flowers).

A man can sweep a woman off her feet with just words.

A simple “I love you” or “you’re everything I’ve ever wanted and more” can emotionally melt most women.

So these are the things you need to watch out for.

If you think your lover is cheating on you, and then all of a sudden they do something “to make everything alright”, you my friend have just been manipulated.

I know of men (who’s wives or girlfriends were cheating on them) who bought expensive jewelry for their woman just because of some type of physical contact.

I know of women (who’s husbands or boyfriends were cheating on them) who dropped the whole notion of infidelity just because of receiving flowers or getting a loving message left on their answering machine.

You need to be completely aware of manipulation like this in your relationship.

If you’ve been emotionally abused or physically neglected for a time, and then all of a sudden something changes that makes you happy and relieved, odd’s are you’re being manipulated.

Some women call this a “mercy …”.

Some men call this “throwing her off the trail”.

In any event, you’re letting your NEEDS open the door for your lover to keep cheating on you, undetected.

Manipulation is a very important key to look out for.

If you’re “starving” for something in your relationship and then all of a sudden you get “fed”, well, there’s a reason for that.

And that reason is that your lover may be thinking you’re “on to them”.

Manipulation is the FIRST thing they’ll use to shut you up.

Watch out for it and don’t fall for it! Remember what was said here!

Share This